set yourself on fire

Weak Hero Class - 14/04/2025

862 words.

as long as I'm burning, I'll keep on yearning
or: 5 times Bum Seok tries to touch Soo Ho, and 1 time he succeeds.

Author's note:
why is this how I learn that they have english names too lol
I've kept the spelling that I'm used to from the subtitles I've watched the show with, sorry if that's weird to you.

With this fic I wanted to dig into Bum Seok's character in relation to Soo Ho, I'm obsessed with how obsessed he is with him...
I really wanted to put this fic out before season 2 starts.

the line in the sumary is from the song Fire by Kimya Dawnson.

_______

Bum Seok doesn’t realise what he’s been trying to do until his fingertips start pulsing with low heat. Until he suddenly cannot help but feel the magnetic pull, like tidal waves, and he has to ball up his fist in his shirt.

Blood drums at his ears and the vibration fills the empty space between him and Soo Ho. The gap keeps getting shorter but it never closes. Bum Seok doesn’t bridge it. He simply stands in the heat radiating off Soo Ho’s skin.

When he starts thinking that he could give Soo Ho just a friendly pat on the back, because they’re laughing now, he stops himself. His fingers curl back to his palm in shame.

Bum Seok has no problem touching Si Eun. Even their first interaction consisted of him slapping a fentanyl patch on his neck. And Si Eun doesn’t really like being touched, but he tolerates handshakes and Bum Seok never hesitates putting a hand on his shoulder.

But not with Soo Ho. With Soo Ho, at first Bum Seok thinks he’ll burn his fingers. But that idea slowly becomes the creeping conviction that his fingers could dip into Soo Ho’s skin like molten lava. The realisation that this does not scare him, scares him.

Soo Ho is never scared. Not of bullies, not of fighting, not of touching. He’s always throwing an arm around Bum Seok’s shoulder or ruffling his hair. Bum Seok always has to bite back a flash of surprise when the burn doesn’t come. He relishes in that friendly, safe warmth, but then the crackling of embers rises up his insides, it buzzes beneath his skin.

He could grab the wrist Soo Ho dangles down his front, that would be a normal gesture between friends. Bum Seok smothers that urge in his clenched fist deep inside his pocket. He laughs out a wisp of smoke.

Even when they’re tied up in some absurd amusement park, and it would make sense to reach out a hand after they’re freed or after Soo Ho is done fighting, just to check if he’s okay, to keep him there, Bum Seok doesn’t.

Soo Ho fights like he touches: airy, quick, easy. He moves like water, and Bum Seok wonders how then, can Soo Ho make him feel like he’s burning. More burning than the welts on his back or the sting of his cheek after his father is through with him. More burning than the tears he blinks away then. He isn’t sure now, if he touches Soo Ho, who will catch fire. He hopes it’s himself.

Bum Seok lets his arms fall to his sides and he smooths his shirt down.

They sit together at Soo Ho’s diner to celebrate, or after school, and at least he is able to chat and banter. He can still reach Soo Ho that way. For a while, Bum Seok thinks he can content himself with basking in that familiar warmth. It’s close enough.

But it’s too late. Somewhere in between Soo Ho ruffling his hair and Bum Seok running straight into danger to save him, he has ignited. The force of it keeps pushing at him.

It seems like it’s only him who’s like this. A lump of coal sits in his throat when he watches Young Yi casually slap Soo Ho’s arm in joking. Their cheeks pressed together in selfies Bum Seok pretends he doesn’t obsess over, show that they’re only comfortable with each other. Young Yi isn’t a fire hazard.

He can no longer stand the inequality between him and Soo Ho. How Soo Ho is always free to reach, to grab, to touch him, while Bum Seok gets blisters from gripping hot iron. He pushes him away, not exactly a touch but it does send sparks flying. Anger spills out of him, but Soo Ho remains unscathed. It’s only Bum Seok who is set ablaze.

Maybe if he distances himself, the flames will die down. He cannot hope for anything less now. Si Eun tries to pull him back but it's pointless. Si Eun cannot imagine what burning feels like. And his new friends don’t know, no one can tell under the blue lights of the club and the haze of alcohol. It’s normal for your throat to burn when you down liquor, it has nothing to do with swallowed tears or any internal fire only you harbour.

He hires others to put their hands on Soo Ho, his own buried in his pockets.

When Soo Ho touches him again, far from warm hugs and handshakes, Bum Seok realises that he was wrong. Soo Ho doesn’t punch quick and easy. His fist collides with his jaw with the gravity of a star collapsing on itself.

And still Bum Seok doesn’t reach back. Random lowlifes kick and punch, and he kicks too, too much of a coward to use anything but his feet, until Soo Ho’s head rolls to the side and the world freezes.

In that safe stillness, Bum Seok’s hands start trembling. He has extinguished the flame. As if finally receiving permission, he reaches for Soo Ho’s hand.

Bum Seok touches Soo Ho. He’s so cold.

_______

Author's note:
... Hehe. I have missed writing angst of my favourite characters, it feels like coming home.
realising that I must have channeled Jupiter from wktd to write about touching so much haha I wanted to make it blurry about who is actually the source of fire.
I hope you liked it, please let me know!