Craving (I only want what I can't have)

Weak Hero Class - 20/05/2025

2,795 words.

Yeun Si Eun doesn't want to fight, he knows it. Seong Je craves it. And what he wants, he takes.

Author's note:

I wrote this for the people with a fighting kink (me). "Esper where's the smut?" umm they're literally beating the shit out of each other??
Also I promise I love Si Eun lol i'm sorry Si Eun!! But Seong Je is such a freak I love him and had to write thisss

The title is from t.A.T.u but the song has nothing to do with the fic. I was inspired by the first chapter of the fic While You Were Sleeping by bitchofdarkness for a detail in the beginning. I've had the pleasure to read so many good Seong Je/Si Eun fics! But unlike some of them, I feel like I haven't done their complex characters justice, I was just horny ok sorryyy

As for more detailed warnings: hands-on choking, strangulation from behind with a string, cigarette burn (just a few ashes), head bashing.

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He could have sent the photo from the guy's phone, but he wanted Si Eun to have his number.

In the thirty seconds after he drops his bomb, he gets a call.

“What did you do to Su Ho?” Si Eun’s voice at the other end of the line. Flat, but heavy with lead.

Seong Je’s lips curl in a self-satisfied smile. “Go see for yourself.”

The call is cut short. He pictures the newbie rushing to the hospital and into the room, scrambling to check if his friend is alright. Of course he is, there’s no fun in beating up an unconscious guy. Once Si Eun sees that all his vitals and cables are undisturbed, he overturns the room, frantic about what could have been done.

Seong Je takes a selfie and sends it with a geotag.

Another day, another rooftop. He exhales a cloud of smoke and fiddles with Su Ho’s phone.

When Na Baek Jin beat him up to teach him a lesson, the only thing Seong Je was reacting to was the memory of Si Eun driving the fucking pen in his foot. His gut fills once more with the burning desire to break his bones, make him spit out blood, bruise that pretty face.

Yeun Si Eun could dish out but he refused to fight, it was a shame. Seong Je had to get creative and give him a good reason to. Si Eun had threatened to kill him if he ever approached his stupid friend again, and Seong Je wanted nothing more than for him to try. So it was easy, simply sneak into the hospital and take a picture of coma guy lying defenseless in his bed.

Seong Je had taken the opportunity in the form of Su Ho’s fingerprints to unlock his phone. Months of unread messages sparked his curiosity and taught him all he wanted to know about Yeun Si Eun. He knew then why the newbie avoided fighting, why he tried so hard to be good. But Seong Je had seen the untapped potential for violence in those wild eyes. He kept replaying the snapshot of Si Eun trying to stab him with his own glasses in his mind, like rolling candy under his tongue.

He had to pry it out of him.

The door to the roof swings open and Si Eun steps in. He’s dishevelled and his tie is crooked from the run there. Seong Je flicks his cigarette to the ground.

“'Took you long enough.”
“Give it back.” Si Eun wastes no time, eyes unamused and locked on him.
“What, your mom didn’t teach you to say please?”
“I told Na Baek Jin to leave Su Ho alone.” He states, as if it’s law.
“Yeah? Why do I care?” Seong Je takes a sauntering step towards him. “I’m not working for the Union today, it’s a… passion project.”

Si Eun only stares. Seong Je can't wait to turn that glacial annoyance into murderous rage.

“God, you’re so annoying,” he licks his lips. He doesn’t miss how Si Eun tenses when he holds up the phone.

Seong Je takes his glasses off and sets them aside, Si Eun’s eyes hang to each of his slow, calculated moves. He slides the phone in his back pocket.

“Come and get it, then.”

He watches Si Eun’s gaze harden.

The unmistakable click of a pen sets them both in motion. Seong Je decides to counter it differently this time: he blocks Si Eun’s forearm with his own while retreating his lower body, and instantly takes his arm in a hold.

He knees him repeatedly in the stomach and the groin, Si Eun grunts and tries to punch his side with his free hand but doesn’t have a good range of motion. Before the pain gets him to double over, Si Eun grabs a fistful of Seong Je's hair and pulls.

“Alright, alright, alright- you fucker,” Seong Je hisses at the sharp pain and releases his clutch. He kicks Si Eun’s right wrist, the pen goes flying.

Si Eun is still tearing off his scalp so he swings a left hook, full body twisting to deliver impact. He gets free and sends another punch just for the fun of it. Si Eun stumbles back, dazed.

Seong Je rubs his scalp and clicks his tongue, until Si Eun lunges at him at full speed, tackling his middle. He careens Seong Je back, back, until the back of his thighs hit the edge of the roof. The dizzying sight of the city under him is shoved away when he sees Si Eun’s hands roam to his ass.

“Woah, eager, are we?” He tears him off of him and away from his back pocket with one heavy front kick. His shoe lands on Si Eun’s stomach with a satisfying impact.

Si Eun holds his gut, no doubt feeling the hits from earlier, but his face remains blank as ever. His eyes scan around for his missing pen.

Seong Je dashes over and cuts off his path. He swings another hook but Si Eun uses the force of it to drop down faster and grab the pen. Seong Je slams his foot down on his hand. The way Si Eun cries in pain distracts him from his mistake, because the boy quickly recovers and latches at his ankle.

Seong Je wants to kick him with his free leg but Si Eun spins around to get blocked by Seong Je’s other leg that he’s clutching like a life-preserver or like a pillar to be demolished.

Seong Je snubs the hand under his foot like he does his cigs and strains to drag him away from the weapon. Si Eun makes himself heavy and the effort of it has Seong Je staggering. In the split second he takes to find his footing, Si Eun springs forth and topples him to the ground. He starts punching him.

Seong Je tucks his chin in and shields his head between his two elbows. He isn’t much of a grappler, but Si Eun isn’t either since he’s left his legs free. All his weight is pushed down on Seong Je’s stomach, hot and pulsating. Seong Je rolls with the punches until he can grab one of Si Eun’s arms. Then he raises his hips and with one knee as guidance, he throws Si Eun off.

Before Si Eun can regain his bearings, Seong Je kicks him in the side and rushes to straddle him.

“Pause.” He announces as he sits back on Si Eun’s pelvis and uses his long legs to lock their ankles together. Si Eun obviously doesn’t respect the time-out and tries to thrash under him, so Seong Je socks him square in the jaw. The cartilage crunches and his knuckles sting.

Si Eun’s eyes widen in… horror? Outrage? Seong Je can’t decide, when he takes out his pack of cigarettes and lights one up. He inhales a deep lungful.

“Hey, Eunjang. Is that all you’ve got?”

He blows the smoke sideways through one corner of his mouth. Si Eun’s breathing is ragged, his bangs stick to his forehead and his eyes shoot daggers.

“What do you want?” He finally spits.

Seong Je’s lips curl up over his teeth. Without his glasses on, he has to lean in real close to clearly see that pretty face. Si Eun’s bottom lip is split open and his skin is starting to bruise.

He flinches but steels himself when Seong Je touches his cheekbone. Something like embers coils up at the pit of his stomach. Si Eun's left arm shoots up in an attempt at hitting, but he swats it down.

“It’s no good, Yeun Si Eun. No good at all.”

He brings his cigarette over to the boy’s hand, who tries to pull his arm back. He shakes it lightly and a few ashes fall down. Si Eun gasps in pain.

Seong Je takes another drag. His eyes roam over his figure. The skin of his neck that peeks through the unbuttoned collar is flushed and slick with sweat. Si Eun breathes hard and fast under him, body feverish with pain and exertion. Seong Je sits back in that heat and lets the cigarette consume itself. Surely that’s enough time for Si Eun to catch up.

As a warning, he presses himself down. Si Eun’s breath hitches. Seong Je flicks the cigarette away, far enough so it can’t be used against him, and he grinds his hips down, again. Si Eun’s shirt is riding up his stomach, Seong Je splays his fingers on the hot skin above the belt. It’s already blooming an angry purple. Si Eun grabs his wrist, fingers burning as much as his eyes. Seong Je presses on the fresh bruise, Si Eun sucks air through his teeth.

He brings a hand to Si Eun’s throat, his thumb grazes over his Adam's apple. He slowly rolls his hips into him, and the gulp that throbs under his finger makes him do it again.

Si Eun tries to push him off but their locked ankles prevents him. The pulse at Seong Je’s fingers quickens, like a flailing bird about to be smoked in. Si Eun grips his hand and digs his short nails in the flesh. Seong Je only grins wider and brings his second hand to the throat. He sends another thrust and starts squeezing.

“You’re a fucking psycho.” Si Eun manages to grit out, and Seong Je can feel the sob that barely gets swallowed back when he rolls his hips again.

He wants to shove his hand in there and tug at his vocal chords. He could grind on Si Eun until he comes. Leave him a wrecked, pathetic mess. He could fuck him deep into the ground, gravel slicing up his delicate skin. Seong Je’s vision grows hot white. He wants to see Si Eun wreaked with sobs, he wants to tear him limb from limb.

And then, when it feels like his own hips will grind up into Seong Je, Si Eun sinks his fucking teeth in the hand that chokes him.

Seong Je cries out and releases his grip. Si Eun immediately twists his body around to take hold of one of his legs and pushes. Seong Je recovers, he punches him in the side but that only fuels Si Eun’s anger. He starts to hammer at his leg, again, and again, blind rage and screaming. Seong Je jolts in pain, he frantically tries to take his leg back and stumbles over Si Eun. The boy knees him in the stomach, crashes his head with his.

Seong Je reels back, holding the bridge of his nose. When he opens one eye through the suffocating haze of pain, he recognizes that look.

Si Eun gets up and steps towards him, pupils blown wide.

Seong Je’s bones thrum with excitement.

There’s no time to catch their breath. Si Eun dodges and takes punches, he stays up and dishes out with no pause. For every blow Seong Je throws, Si Eun replies with a more vicious one. The ears, the ribs, the gut.

He jabs the point of his fingers to Seong Je’s throat, to his eyes, and Seong Je only avoids serious injury by slapping his hand a second away. He instantly follows by grabbing Si Eun’s forearm and punches with his other hand, closing into him. Si Eun tries to free his arm but quickly assesses his possibilities and settles on going for Seong Je’s eyes again.

This kid has no technique at all. He doesn’t fight, he destroys. Seong Je’s heart is pounding so hard it will tear open his chest. He dodges the jab and his grip on the arm tightens, blood boiling under Si Eun’s skin irrigating Seong Je’s own veins.

Too taken in the rush to his head, he doesn’t realise where Si Eun is leading him to until he spots his glasses just a few steps ahead. Laying there, all prime and proper. Getting stabbed in the foot with them hurt, but they’re also expensive to replace.

When Si Eun moves to grab them, Seong Je springs forwards and dives down. As if on cue, Si Eun slams his foot in his face. For an instant, the world blurs and spins around him. He only blocks the second kick on instinct, his arm shooting up to shield his face faster than he can register the leg swinging at him.

Black dots flicker and cling to his vision. His focus tunnels to the single, shining point of Si Eun in front of him.

Seong Je staggers up and lunges at him. He knees him again and again, until he crashes him into the wall. They’re both panting by now, hungry and greedy gulps of air.

Their bodies radiate scathing heat and bloodlust. Their skin buzzes with adrenaline, the friction makes Seong Je’s hairs stand on end. Si Eun’s own oxygen drowns him in blistering, pulsating waves. It’s the shift in them that makes Seong Je dodge another headbutt.

Si Eun uses his momentum to move aside and smash Seong Je’s head into the wall. Seong Je only avoids the collision by raising one arm between him and the wall. The exhilaration overwhelms him, it scratches at his insides and claws out of his throat in laughter.

Grinning wide, he yanks Si Eun’s hair and bashes his head into the brick.

But by now Si Eun is attuned to his every move. He takes one hit, grimacing at the cuts blooming on his cheek, and when Seong Je lifts his head again he twists and drives the points of his elbow straight down into the crook of Seong Je’s.

Seong Je lets go of his hair and gets knocked in the jaw. The pain shoots up his molars. He thinks he moans then.

The blows start again. There’s no room for a sucker punch. When Seong Je moves into Si Eun, he steps back, when Seong Je goes right, he follows suit. Si Eun is not letting up.

His eyes remain locked on Seong Je, their focus sears his skin. A violent shiver runs up his spine, seizes his every limb for a second.

Seong Je rushes into him. Fist, knee, open-mouthed pants and hot blood on his gums. Flashes of white teeth, tendons taut under the smooth skin, the broken sounds past Si Eun’s lips.

Seong Je swings again but Si Eun reacts too soon, he dodges and turns to find himself behind him.

Seong Je made sure that place was clear of any props Si Eun could turn into a weapon. But of course that wouldn’t stop him. Because next thing he knows, something is strangling him from behind. He claws at it, it’s elastic but wrapped too tight around his neck to slip his fingers past it.

Seong Je is taller, he blindly jams elbows in his opponent’s arms and sides, he stomps his feet down on his, but Si Eun hangs on, screaming.

He brings him down, almost crouching. Seong Je struggles for air, his vision blurs with tears. He launches himself back into Si Eun. Suddenly, there’s too much air, he chokes on it.

He’s laying on his back on top of Si Eun and elbows at his ribs. There’s a crack somewhere. Si Eun screams, a burst of pain this time. He tries to roll Seong Je off, who complies.

They lay sprawled next to each other like the first time.

Short, pained sounds arise from Si Eun. Seong Je listens as the adrenaline washes off him and his whole body starts to hurt. He glances to Si Eun. His left hand grips the phone.

“All right, you got it. But I’m keeping this.”

Si Eun rolls his head to the side to look at him. His skin is glistening with sweat, his right cheek cut up from the abrasive contact with the wall, and his full lips are busted and bloody. Seong Je must be in no better shape, judging by the throbbing in his nose and jaw.

Si Eun stares at him blankly again, but his brow furrows at those words.

Seong Je notices the crease in between his eyebrows, another crack in the flat mask of his face. He lets himself be scanned by those analytic eyes, the burning in them not yet cooled-off. His lips stretch in a smile. Si Eun only frowns deeper.

Of course, he doesn’t speak. Seong Je follows the sounds of muted grunts and clothing ruffling on the ground, then of footsteps gradually fading away behind the clang of the door.

He exhales and rubs his aching throat. His wounded hand curls on the blue and red neck tie.

He’s hard again.

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